The Mile High City truly has arrived, somewhere

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Direct flights from DIA to London, Reykjavik and Tokyo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Anybody can go to pedestrian towns like that. The REAL news is that United Airlines, at long last, is going to add service from DIA to (drum roll) Grand Forks International Airport in North Dakota. (rim shot)

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That’s right, folks. No more driving for days into the wilds of America’s last frontier. Soon, not yet, you can sit back and jet to North Dakota’s fabulous, third-largest city, home to 14 neighborhood parks, 28 tennis courts, and a swimming pool. After landing at GFIA (international? Grand Forks? Who knew?) you can motor on over to one of very, very many places to eat, such as the Toasted Frog, or Burger King, or Burrito-a-rama.

Better book your flight now. These babies are gonna fill faster than long john hooked to a cream pump. Has United Airlines ever been wrong?