QUID HAS HEARD that middling of the road Congressman Mike Coffman struck a chord with those who sneer at everything America’s Cheer Leader does or says from his den at the White House. Seems that the Pretender in Chief surprised even the unsurprisable this week when it leaked out at that he told the Pentagon he wants a big military parade in Washington where he can show off his big stuff. Coffman was quick to quip on Twitter that he had no use for such theatrics. “No shutdowns, no parades. We need to focus on what moves us forward – cleaning up the #VA, fixing #DACA, securing our borders, and growing wages,” Coffman said. Practicing his purple talk, giving Trump the “no, dude” salute will have his Colorado club base seeing some red, and probably guarantee he won’t get a seat at the front in the reviewing stands.
AND QUID HAS HEARD that it’s time for a higher power to step in and straighten out Colorado’s messy 2018 election. The mortals on both sides of the aisle are in the weeds over who to put on the ballot to out-win the losers from the opposing team. After Attorney General Cynthia Coffman went from running for term-two to running for gov, local DA George Brauchler, who aches mightily for higher office, any higher office, quit his gubernatorial quest and pointed his tweets at Coffman’s job. Then Tom “No, Really, I’m Serious” Tancredo came and went, leaving State Treasurer Walker Stapleton, — I know, nobody does —and 37 even lesser known Republicans to fight for office under the Gold Dome. Meanwhile, on the other side of the political universe, Congressman Jared “Totally Rich” Polis continues to muscle other big-name Democrats to the side. They’re not famous, they all just have a lot of characters in their names. Yours truly can fix this. Brauchler needs to run for governor, since he mapped out that campaign, complete with gubernatorial tweets scheduled through Election Day. Coffman, who can’t seem to get cash or traction in a state that talks seriously about a Governor Tancredo, can run to keep a job that won’t make her talk about abortion rights. And Congressman Ed Perlmutter, the nicest guy to get into politics since before Justin Trudeau, can go back to running for governor. All of this will get the voting public off the hook from having to listen to Polis try and persuade the state how down-to-earth he and Boulder really are, and it stops the majority of the state from having to listen to how much Connecticut is like Colorado for people who came here in hopes of escaping all that.
AND THAT’S ALL THENEWS THAT FITS