QUID HAS HEARD that Aurora is so gay now. At least part of it. The city celebrated the LBGTQ community last weekend at the premier Aurora Pride. The soirée was created by Colorado’s Out Front Magazine and sponsored by this sad little fishwrapper. Rather than create yet another SF-style Carnival attraction, Aurora Pride landed in the front yard of City Hall as a family-oriented celebration of diversity, which, Quid hears, is this city’s schtick. All in were the Aurora Police Department and a bevy of other city agencies and local businesses. Other than a bluer-than-blue pastie-clad Trump being ridden on the 21-plus stage briefly by a daunting dominatrix, even the grown-up part of the festival was all fun and PG-13ish. It turns out what this city has is some talented drag-queens. What it doesn’t have, is enough of them. So next year, Quid insists that city nabobs start walking the walk during everybody’s favorite part of the festival. If you wanna sit on council, you’re going to have to drag out your king or queen act. So next year, your faithful hack will look ever-so-forward to seeing Councilman Bob Roth in a chartreuse crepe strapless walking on stage as Babs Rath. She’ll stun y’all with her Dream Girl’s rendition of “I Am Telling You.” Don’t forget, this is a city of kings and queens, dear readers. And only Councilwoman Marcia Berzins as Pelvis Wrestly can pull off the one and only King. Black glasses, mutton chops and lip-crooning to “In The Ghetto” will bring down the house. At least your source at this pathetic paper hopes it’ll bring down some real big-name talent. This isn’t just a city show, let’s see Mr. Diversity get in the act. Congressman Mike Coffman just can’t get enough grip and grins at every minority meeting and quinceañera this side of little Havana Street. Let’s see Coffman next year in a fuchsia elephant-bell, all-sateen jumpsuit as Conservativa Nightmare. Sensible shoes and pouty red lipstick will set off Conservativa’s hit: “There Are Worse Things I Could Do,” from “Grease.” You’d pay for that one, huh, Aurora? No need to keep it all to ourselves here. A place on the playbill will be set aside for senators Michael Bennet and Cory Gardner, who can appear as a duet. Bennet, in a mauve bro-mper and spurred red-patent-leather cowboy boots can come as Bennedetta Beef. Gardner, in a simple orange-paisley sun-dress with black Crocs studded with marbles can come as Coriander Poisoning, belting out the best “Phantom” “Prima Dona” this side of Commerce City. Tickets are already selling.
AND THAT”S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS