QUIDNUNC: Bare minimums, and the first stage of grief

Sorry, Sen. Gardner — unless you can pick and lose Twitter fights with 30-something dictators as well as the commander-in-chief does, it’s time for a change — most of us could use a change after thinking about nuclear war

QUID HAS HEARD that longtime Aurora Public Schools Board Director Eric Nelson — there’s not room to list all of his other credentials, real and Photoshopped — is adjusting to summer vacation coming to an end. Long derided by the rest of the APS board for being the greatest fabricator this side of the metal industry, Nelson has focused on the most important of the three R’s — ‘rithmatick — and remembered to show up to his elected gig at least every third meeting to avoid running afoul of that pesky state policy that says that even Rhodes Scholars and Nobel Peace Prize winners such as the Hon. Nelson, esq., can be expelled for not showing up for work. Despite showing up for two board events in August, Ambassador Nelson, M.D., can tack on “M.I.A.” to the list of acronyms next to his name after missing this week’s board meeting. Nelson has not rolled out much in the way of campaign literature for his next run for public office, but Quid has it on good authority that when the time comes, his résumé will be as padded as the pits at Aurora’s Spider Monkey extreme sports arena.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that #TheResistance better start charging a cover fee — there are just too many Colorado congressmen falling over themselves, regardless of past voting records, to signal to the public that they are not fans of Der Trumper’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad DACA demolition. Those of you in Congressional District 6 already have witnessed Aurora Congressman Mike Coffman’s Damascus road trip, effectively hitting ‘Delete history’ on his personal browser of birther-baiting statements and positioning himself as an ally of every pro-immigration American you can stage a photo-op with, proudly eye-rolling at each new Trumptastrophe so as to not offend too many centrist voters. His winning playbook has now been photocopied and transmitted over to the offices of one Sen. Cory Gardner, who cosigned a new, dreamy bill alongside Colorado congressional colleague Sen. Michael Bennet. Gardner is all too keen on finding a new issue onto which he can hang his hat — sorry for the lazy metaphor, Quid hopes Sen. Gardner never covers that gorgeous head of hair — after the White House otherwise detonated the opportunity to be a foreign policy leader on North Korea. Sorry, Sen. Gardner — unless you can pick and lose Twitter fights with 30-something dictators as well as the commander-in-chief does, it’s time for a change — most of us could use a change after thinking about nuclear war.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.