QUID HAS HEARD that the biggest party Colorado Republicans have ever had is coming soon to celebrate the coming and the glory of richest Republican president of them all, his wryness, President Trump. And yours truly is invited. Am so. Emailed to your faithful hack at this very liberal litter-box liner was the announcement, “Come to the party as a new day dawns for America,” from a man who should know, former state Sen. and Brigadier General Gadfly John “Ten Commandments” Andrews. The party celebrating how much better commoners like this one will have it when the rich finally inherit the rest of the Earth is so big, it can only be held at the Marriott Hotel DTC, Meeting Room B, behind the accordion wall, third table from the right, chairs 4, 5 and, maybe, 6. And for all those naysayers who believe Trump’s rise to power bodes nothing but the worst of times after having the really bad of times, Trumpsters themselves are telling people in the invitation that Trump’s Ignoramusal Ball will be “a night to remember.” And what sinking ship would be complete without the best and brightest in the music world celebrating their equals in the Colorado political world? Billed only as “Live 22 Piece Band Music, Two Vocalists Mile High Big Band Dancing Free Parking Cash Bar,” Quid knows they play a very mean “Nearer My Don To Thee.” Since every local band Quid’s aware of is under treatment for depression since Nov. 8, yours truly is dying to know whether Attorney General Cynthia Coffman can sing and play the trombone or whether someone finally found a use for the mechanical animal jamboree at the old Chuck E. Cheese’s cafe-emporium. But wait, there’s more. The dinner of a lifetime, as seen through the dewy eyes of the Lincoln Club of Colorado — which they want you to well understand is not associated with the Log Cabin Republicans of God only knows where, even though some of their best friends are log cabins — will be a luscious choice between red meat and the other red meat. Your hosts for the evening include the adaptable GOP staple Cynthia Coffman, but probably not her Republicanus Not Gratis spouse Congressman Mike “How Do You Like Me Now” Coffman. Other hosts are familiar gubernatorial hopefuls such as State Treasurer Walker “No Really, I exist” Stapleton and Secretary of State Wayne “Did I Mention Lynn Bartels” Wiliams. All this for $110 per person, and you do or don’t have to wear a black tie or a black armband or a black eye. Your correspondent would happily attend if it weren’t such a late event, starting at 6:30 p.m. and over by 7.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS.