QUID HAS HEARD that President Donald Trump may be contagious. Seems that more than one person without a life, sentenced to sit through Aurora City Council meetings, has noticed the increasing similarity between Councilman Bob Roth and His Majesty Orange Julius. During each of the quasi-weekly meeting of the masterminds in Aurora’s star chamber, cameras toss the images of our local legislative celebrities up onto the screen of the star-ship bridge. From the audience, you can settle back with popcorn and watch Mayor Steve Hogan, up close and personal, lecture councilors not about Aurora’s rule of law, but its law of rules, which Hizzoner is quite fond of. Every dated tie, nappy sweater and bodacious bangle is two-stories high and in gorgeous living hi-def faded-color glory. And Councilor Roth? He’s become an odd shade of wood paneling tempered with Aurora orange. Your faithful hack will hope right along with you that the similarities end there.
AND QUID HAS HEARD that these days, Congressman Mike Coffman is taking all the fun out of beating the far-right into submission with liberal elitism. Seems that other Colorado Republicans are easy targets lately for liberal types, who bludgeon the likes of Sen. Cory “Go-Trump” Gardner. Colorado’s junior senator dishes out endless word-salad defenses for Trump’s killing the environment, health care, civil rights and the planet as if he were offering literary analyses of Gilligan’s Island. Congressman Ken Buck has been offering defenses of Trump behavior so bizarre that even the parody media site, The Onion, can’t make such satire believable. These Republicans straining to keep straight faces as they explain Putin as a character witness for Trump are thrilling Democrats, who can’t stop lame-basting all the partisan follies. Except Coffman. The past darling of the Colorado Tea Party has called for a special prosecutor in the Russiagate Scandal. He’s demanded House committees see the now-famous-yet-unseen Comey Memos. He voted “no” on Trumpcare Verison 1.2.1, and he broke into what sure sounded like Spanish as a celebrity guest at Aurora’s Gran Apertura of the state’s El Salvador Consulate. ¿Qué pasa con eso, Miguel? Liberal trolls trolloping across the pas faux of GOP favorites have had to be grudgingly approving of positions that Coffman takes. They’re positions that has the likes of Colorado Springs Congressman Doug Lamborn nervously retching in the Capitol bathroom. Given the surrealism of America’s Trump fever dream, your faithful hack is waiting to awake to discover Coffman is now a Democrat.
AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS