We have no choice but to close the state borders. Until we close public schools so we can spend all the money on asphalt and ski trains, or raise gasoline taxes or tolls, we’re going to have to start turning people away. Sorry.
So it was Aurora’s turn to make the list, being grouped in with other sullied, vapid communities like Anaheim, Calif.; San Antonio, Texas and Mesa, Ariz., clearly iconic bastions of stupidity you never knew about because you can’t read
So do you want your kid taking a chance in the hallway as gunfire erupts between Johnny Nutball and Dead-Eye Dan the Janitor? I didn’t think so. Do you want the shakiest gun in the west wing pointing her heater at the classroom door as everyone cowers in the back of the room only to shoot dead some poor kid who comes in looking for a place to hide?
I don’t understand what would make a fan of anything dye their hair orange or wear a barrel. It is, as any Vulcan would note, illogical. Is it the thin metro air? Too much sun? Something in the water? A lack of better sporting options? What?
It makes sense. If you’ve worked in a hopping bar, you know what a nightmare last call can be. About half the bar rushes to order as much booze as they can, and then they rush to pound it to avoid having employees snatching their vodka tonics. So multiply that by a few thousand people twice a week in the middle of the night in a short distance of each other, and you’ve got trouble